#187: What’s in the box? Part 1

Some are born awesome. Some achieve awesome. And some have awesome thrust upon ’em.*

My mum likes to be mysterious. She sent me an email a few days ago saying she’d “had an idea” and I should “drop in so we could talk about it”.

Things are a little crazy at the moment, so I didn’t take the bait right away.

Today, however, I became utterly convinced she’d bought a kitten.** Yes, a kitten. Therefore, I was incapable of waiting any longer. I grabbed CJ and we went over there – just now, at 9pm at night.

Remember how my mum recently had my sister and I take out huge boxes of cr– treasured items — from her attic? Today there was more stuff. This time, it was from the depths of her newly-renovated cupboard.

One of my grandmothers left all – literally all – her jewellery to me when she died. She had a brain tumour at the time, so I interpreted the gift as more of a “caretaker” role and sat down at the time with my family to see what everyone liked. The rest I kept – 99% of it in the back of mum’s cupboard, since I’m not big on jewellery.

As you can see from the picture above, Grandma’s biggest weakness was jewellery. Let’s look a little closer, shall we?

See that box? It’s inscribed – to my great-grandfather, a banker, on his retirement on the 31st of May 1930. It’s silver.

See those rings? There are only two kinds of gemstones I can recognise with certainty: opal and jade. There are four opal rings and a jade ring there, on top. The bracelets are silver – you can tell by how tarnished they are. I dunno what the rest is – glass? plastic? zirconia? Haven’t the faintest! One of the rings in one of the individual boxes was originally bought (twenty years ago) for $250. Another is still in its original box from the jewellery store – so those two aren’t made of glass. It’s perhaps interesting that the other bracelet – the one made of some kind of yellow metal – isn’t tarnished at all. Or perhaps not.

But here’s the thing. See that really BIG box at the back? The one that looks like a pirate’s treasure chest, bound in brass?

Can’t open it.

We’ve collectively lost the key. My parents have tried several keys without success. CJ had a go at it too (with tools).

Still can’t open it.

It’s full, and quite heavy (although to be honest, that’s mostly the box).

So what’s in the box???

I really hope we all find out soon. (And yes, I’ll be paying for a jeweller’s kid to go to college when they value all this.) I hope it drives you as crazy as it’s driving me.

To ease your contemplatory torment, here’s a soothing rainforest pic from flickr.com:

Coming soon: Finding out what’s in that box. Finding out what it’s all worth. Maniacal laughter and cries of, “I’m rich, I tell you, RICH!!” Also, patting a lizard.

. . . and chatting to Charles Darwin. And the final Three-Ingredient Thursday. And I’ll be flying to Melbourne on Friday for a whole lot of high-calibre schmoozing.

*three points if you know who I’m misquoting – be precise.

**I could take you through my train of thought, but it’s way less interesting now I know I’m an idiot.

18 thoughts on “#187: What’s in the box? Part 1

    • Hi Greg – always nice to hear from someone who likes what I do. Nice try with Daffy Duck but, shockingly, that’s not it.

  1. Woot! Shakespeare! If my memory serves me correctly, it should be King Richard VIII, but I’m almost as sure that I’m wrong. Yup, I’m wrong. You’re misquoting Twelfth Night, Act 2 Scene 5, Malvolio, and if I remember that part right, he’s reading a fabricated love letter which has been purposefully set up to make him look like a fool ๐Ÿ˜‰ 3 points?

    • Well done Jolyon! Perfection, indeed. It’s especially well-developed in the movie with whatsisface (the guy from “Yes Minister”) and Richard Grant and Helena Bonham Carter. Love that movie. Had a copy, and if I could remember who i lent it to I’d yell at them. A lot.

      • No, damn it, it was NIGEL Hawthorne…

        Oh, Sir Humphrey, I have brought shame upon your legacy…

        (Still don’t have the video)

    • Ben: How are you at jump-starting cars? Like, for example, if you’ve dropped your keys but you can’t pick them up because of all the zombies?

  2. Two possibilities:

    1. Smash open the lock cylinder and drag it out the two wires at the base, join them together, and bingo.
    This approach does tend to have the side effect of jamming the windscreen wipers on. If you see a car with its windscreen wipers on for no particular reason, it’s likely stolen for just that reason.

    or, of course…

    2. DON’T DROP YOUR #@!% KEYS!!!

    • Ben: Thank you. Thank windscreen wiper thing is genuinely useful (at least, for my crime-fighting alter ego).

Leave a Reply