I just committed a crime. Don’t tell anyone.
The penalty for theft in Australia is up to seven years in jail.
You’ve probably heard of “black gold” (oil), white gold (for jewellery) and yellow gold (that’d be the normal type). For many months now, I’ve lusted after green gold – mint leaves. I discovered earlier this year that you can buy bunches of mint leaves from the supermarket for an exorbitant price. Later on, I discovered that this wonderful stuff can also be accurately described as a noxious weed. Since I am far better at growing weeds than plants, I saw my chance.
I know at least three people who have mint growing in their back yards (two of them unwillingly). But hardened criminals like myself are bone lazy, and prefer crime to the hassle of gainful employment (such as, in this case, politely asking my mother-in-law for a clipping). Walking past the heady scent of my neighbour’s mint plant week by week was sending me mad with gold fever.
So, as I sat down to write this morning in my usual workday attire (ie, what I wore to bed last night) I couldn’t take it any more. With not even a pause to put on proper clothes, brush my teeth, or actually wear weather-appropriate shoes, I exited the house and nonchalantly committed my crime – theft of one and a bit mint plants. And by “nonchalant” I mean that when a falling leave crackled nearby, I jumped guiltily. Twice. (I blame the season of autumn for acting suspicious.)
It was surprisingly easy to pull the green gold out of its pot by the roots. I also cut off a smaller bit as a backup.
The instant I reached the safety of my hideout, I took photographic evidence of the crime (since it was raining, I also have somewhat blurry glasses). Do you think my beanie looks shifty? I do.
I put the backup sprig into a glass of water on a sunny windowsill (as I’ve seen real gardeners do), and planted the other on my front porch. Aren’t they cute?
My hands smell wonderful now. I keep sniffing my fingers (again, not suspicious behaviour at ALL). And since the aforementioned sunny shelf is the top shelf of my desk, my whole workplace smells minty-fresh and green and alive. Kids, crime is GREAT.
Incidentally, today the extremely vibrant and delightful Alexandra hosted a guest post from me (as far as I can tell, her site is PG at worst, but as always I make no guarantees). http://unicornsforsocialism.com/2010/05/24/because-gods-need-social-networking-too/. I hope she’s not implicated when the fuzz comes to take me to the slammer.
Play along at home: Next time you’re in a supermarket, find the fresh mint leaves and smell them. Make sure you handle them, so your hands smell marvellous for the rest of your day. Alternatively, steal and/or grow your own (wise people grow mint in pots), or pick a different herb to grow (either outside or near a window where the smell can fill your days). Let me know if you do, so I can feel like I’m making the world minty-fresh.
Tomorrow is very exciting!
Tomorrow I’ll be posting pics and video from an event that took place last night – my friend W’s suggestion: Dance in a Supermarket.